Chapter Music: Easier To Be by Lifehouse
A/N: Thanks as always to, miztrezboo and annanabanana. It takes all three of us to get these chapters to feel just right. I will always save you a booth in the back or a stool at the bar, ladies.
LINK TO CHAPTER UNDER THE COMMENTS BAR
:: Bella ::
My vision was hazy and the bar was darker than I remembered when I came to. My back was stiff on the ridged bench beneath me, and my head was throbbing, despite being cushioned by something soft coiled up under my hair.
Voices in the distance mingled with the clink of ice in glasses, and I scrunched my brow in a bid to combat the nausea rolling through my stomach. Jack and tea in the middle of the day might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but hindsight was a beautiful, clarifying thing.
Gripping the edge of the bench seat, I steadied myself in an attempt to get up but quickly froze when I realized who was at the bar, and what it was they were talking about.
"She spent most of the afternoon cryin' on my lap as she slept. She's a mess," Jasper confessed.
"Don't you think I know that? Why do you think I sent her here? I didn't want her feelin' obligated to stay at work, but she can't sit at Charlie's forever," Emmett fired back.
"What else do you suggest? I'm not sure gettin' her out is helpin'. Alice said she spent half the day cryin' on the shop floor yesterday." The sorrow in Jasper's voice was palpable and a fresh wave of guilt stirred in my chest as I reminded myself that I should be wearing my brave face.
"Well, for Charlie's sake, and for Bella's, it's gonna stop. No more wallowin' for our girl; today's gonna be the last day if I have anything to do with it."
I wished I could sound as sure as Emmett did in that moment. A little of his strength would go a long way.
"I'm not sure it's as easy as that, Em," Jasper replied wistfully. "She needs to know why."
"Is she ready for that?" Concern laced Emmett's words.
"That's what she's got us for."
I could hear the smile in Jasper's voice and I couldn't help the small smile that tugged at my own lips. I felt my eyes begin to tear again and knew that I had heard enough. I would not cry again today. Emmett was right—this would be the last day. The least I could do was keep my emotions in check and restrict my outbursts to the confines of my own bedroom.
"You know, I can hear you two from over here," I groaned, sitting up and leaning my head back against the booth. "You could at least try and be discreet."
"Hey, Baby Bell," Emmett cooed softly from the bar.
"Hey, Emmett. Sorry about bailing," I croaked.
"Don't sweat it, I wasn't expectin' you back. You ready to head home? You probably shouldn't be drivin'."
"Sure, let me just call Charlie."
"I'll drive you," Emmett said as he walked over to me and hooked his arm around my shoulders, ushering me out of the booth.
"What about my truck?" I asked, my head still a little fuzzy from the alcohol.
"You can get it over the weekend," Jasper said simply. "I pulled it up 'round back while you were sleepin', so it's not like it's in the way."
"If you're sure..." I slid off the bench and leaned into Emmett for support. He laughed when I tripped over the toe of my boot and stumbled forward.
"Jeez, Jasper. What did you do to the Chief's baby?" Emmett chuckled as I tried to swat his arm away and stand on my own two feet. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt hung over. "I'm not sure I wanna be the one to tell him that she spent the afternoon drunk at Whitlock's." Suddenly the pancakes I'd made for breakfast seemed so long ago, and obviously the few fries I'd eaten at lunch had done little to absorb the alcohol I had consumed.
My brain was working just fine, my mouth didn't seem to have any trouble articulating what I was trying to say, it was just my legs and feet that seemed to be having the problem. Ironically, I would have given almost anything for the situation to have been reversed. It was my emotions and thought processes that needed numbing right now, not my motor functions.
"Sorry, Emmett. This might be a slow process," I moped.
"Enough of that," he scolded as he let me go and crouched down in front of me. "Hop on." He glanced back before reaching over and patting his shoulder. "Come on, Baby Bell. I won't bite." His smile softened, and with that, I wrapped my arms around his neck and Emmett hooked his arms behind my knees, before standing up and heading out of the bar to his car.
~oOo~
"Bella's drunk?" The disbelief in Charlie's voice was almost comical.
"Well, not so much drunk as…hung over." Emmett's voice peaked at the end, making his statement sound more like a nervous question.
"Whitlock," Charlie muttered with an amused snort.
"When you two are finished, can I get some help here, please?" I rolled my eyes and both men started forward across the yard, each offering me a hand in help. Charlie's cheek twitched, trying, in vain, to hide his smile. "You're enjoying this way too much, dad," I whimpered feebly while Emmett tugged me out of the passenger seat and to my feet.
"Maybe a little, sweetheart," he whispered against the side of my head. Scooping me up and holding me against his chest, Charlie turned to Emmett. "See you tomorrow?"
"Sure thing, Chief. Wouldn't miss the big game."
"Game?" I murmured, thankful to be floating and off my feet.
"Yeah, it's game weekend, Baby Bell. Rangers versus Mariners, baby, choose wisely. Losers clean up after the cook out," Emmett sang out as he climbed back into his mustang and leaned out of the window.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I sighed.
"Tomorrow, baby!" he yelled as he drove off, and Charlie laughed, his chest rumbling against my side.
"No, dad," I grimaced, the vibrations turning my stomach, and he laughed again.
"Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you upstairs to bed." He wobbled on his leg a little before walking toward the house. "You're heavier than I remember."
"I'm not twelve years old anymore, daddy."
Charlie sighed. "No, you're not."
The last thing I remembered was Charlie slipping off my boots and opening my balcony doors. Even the humid Texas air felt refreshing against my toes, as sleep claimed me for a second time.
It seemed like only minutes later, when the warm morning sun danced over the soles of my feet and the birds sang outside. I rolled onto my back and thought about getting a drink of water. My throat was dry, my mouth tasted disgusting, and my stomach was sore from hunger. No more Jack and tea for me—ever.
"Bella!"
I heard my name called in the distance, and wondered, for a moment, if I was still asleep.
"Bella!"
The voice was louder this time and I sat up slowly, pulling my patchwork quilt around my shoulders for comfort. Shaking my head, while sitting perched on the edge of my bed, the reality of my situation set in. I was no further forward today than I had been almost two weeks ago when I had arrived in Masen. I was still dressed in yesterday's clothes, my personal hygiene was slipping again and I had spent the better part of yesterday asleep in a bar. If anything, my bid to try and fool those closest to me was only taking a turn for the worse.
"I know you're up there, Bella."
I staggered out onto the balcony, still half asleep, and looked down into the yard. Emmett and Charlie were unloading two large coolers from the trunk of Emmett's car while Alice stood, staring up at me, her hand shielding her eyes from the sun.
"Mornin' sleepy head. Jasper said you'd feel a little worse for the wear today. Hot tea with a little honey'll pick you right up." Alice laughed and winked up at me, her comment even drawing a chuckle from each of the men at the car.
"No more tea," I sulked with a small groan.
"Suit yourself. Get in the shower, Bella. Rose is already down picking fruit, so you have until we get back from the orchard to be ready."
"Six trees don't make an orchard, Alice," I grumbled down to her, but offered a smile when she laughed back at me.
"You sound just like your dad," she called over her shoulder, turning toward the trees behind the house. "Now, get ready."
"Ready for what, Alice?" I shouted back.
"You'll see."
Twenty minutes later I was feeling rejuvenated and fresh. My teeth were clean and my breath no longer smelled two days old. I dried my hair, fixing it loosely off my neck with a pale yellow ribbon, before dressing in a white sleeveless blouse and a knee length skirt. I greedily drank down the iced water left on my bedside table and headed downstairs, following the laughter and chatter coming from the kitchen. Standing in the doorway, I surveyed the scene in front of me.
Charlie's large, ranch style kitchen was full of exuberant life. Emmett was crouched in front of the fridge stocking it with meat and beer. He was busy teasing his sister, trying to fend her off with one arm, as she advanced at him with a towel, snapping it occasionally against his bicep. Rose and Charlie watched from the center island, while she sectioned fruit and Charlie stole raspberries, his face twisting as the tangy fruit hit his tongue. I had missed this. I had missed my friends.
I kept myself hidden, watching them laugh and play. Alice squealed as Emmett lunged at her, grabbing her around the waist and hoisting her over his shoulder. Rose scolded Charlie, smacking his hand away, only for it to be replaced quickly with the other. He looked at her like a boy caught stealing cookies before dinner, a tiny pout playing on his lips, and her face softened. Rose raised herself onto her toes and kissed his cheek, ruffling his hair at the same time.
They were comfortable; they were family. I suddenly felt like I was intruding. I hadn't been here in so long, and they had all made lives without me—even Charlie. How could I expect to just walk in like I hadn't cut myself off for the last two years? The truth was, I couldn't.
I backed away quietly from the door and headed for the back porch. Despite the warm morning sun, the grass was cool beneath my bare feet and I relished the feeling of it between my toes. The house in Phoenix had backed onto desert and, even with the sprinkler system, the grass had been dry and course. There was still plenty of desert in Texas, but living so close to the lake meant that the grass and wild flowers thrived year round.
Walking down to the dock, I considered escaping for the day. Lying in the bottom of the small row boat, and floating out on the lake, sounded appealing, given the awkward alternative. I stood on the end of the platform, the grass tickling my heels while the blistered wood scratched the underside of my feet, and hesitated. Closing my eyes, I pulled the ribbon out of my hair and let the wind throw tiny wisps and tendrils around my face.
You could try.
A deep and slow breath filled my lungs and I took a moment, forcing myself to absorb what was going on around me. The bank edging the lake smelled damp, and the surrounding grass and flowers hinted at the fragrance of summer. Birds flew over head, their song carrying on the wind, and the water lapped at the wood of the dock. I listened harder and heard faint laughter drift once more from the house, a reminder of what I had left behind.
I owed it to myself to try, not just to Charlie. I wasn't sure who I was anymore. I'd been Jacob's wife, and Charlie's daughter… I wanted to be Bella Swan; I needed to find myself. I could do that in Masen, with the help of my family and these people who called themselves my friends, but only if I tried.
I smiled out at the lake. "Not today, old friend," I whispered, stepping off the dock.
By the time I made it back up to the house, Edward and Jasper were pulling up in the driveway. Before Edward even turned the engine off, Jasper was out of the cab and hurtling toward me.
"There's my drinkin' buddy!" Jasper wrapped his arms around my waist, spinning me full circle before releasing me and taking a step back. "Did I see you down at the lake?" he asked, a curious look playing across his handsome face. I shrugged in response, unsure of how to explain my earlier feelings. He nodded slowly, watching my face carefully. "How you doin' today?" he asked quietly, as Edward climbed out of the truck.
"Better now," I answered honestly.
"Glad to hear it." Jasper smiled down at me before briefly turning back to Edward. "Don't forget the apples; Alice wants to bake a pie today."
When Edward rounded the front of his truck he was carrying a small box of apples and two bottles of McCarty's lemonade. "Mornin', Bella." Edward nodded and dipped his head in greeting. "Leave her be, Jasper, and take these to your wife." Edward teased, grinning at his friend.
"Don't you let Emmett hear you call her that," Jasper scoffed, his face reddening. "It's me that'd take the beatin' for it."
"It's your own fault. What did you expect? Going after the man's sister like a hound." Edward shook his head in mock disbelief. It was a side of Edward I had never seen before.
"Hey! My girl's not as sweet as she looks," Jasper defended, pointing a finger in Edward's general direction before taking the box of apples from him. Believing every word, I laughed, and it felt good. There was no guilt or remorse, just memories of mischief and humor. I recalled throwing water balloons off the top of the movie theatre, painting the bench in the town square and waiting for Doc Garrett to take his lunch there like any other day, and gluing quarters to the counter at McCarty's.
Growing up in Masen had been full of adventure and friendship, and while some of those memories were unpleasant—frogs in my locker, a grass snake in my book bag, my hair dipped in paint—most of them drew a laugh or a smile.
It took a moment for me to realize that both Edward and Jasper were staring at me.
"What?" I said, my laughter finally fading away.
"Nothing." Surprising me, Jasper leaned down and kissed my cheek. "You should smile more often, Bella." His tone was sincere, and he gave my hand a quick squeeze before walking past me toward the house.
I felt my cheeks heat and avoided looking at Edward, embarrassed by Jasper's comment.
"He's right you know." The sound of Edward's voice made me lift my head, and he handed me one of the bottles of lemonade, passing me and following Jasper into the house. I watched them both disappear before I started to move after them.
"Hey, Bella, thought you'd gotten lost," Alice said, as I hesitated in the kitchen doorway for the second time that morning. I opened my mouth to speak, floundering a little for words, when Jasper saved me.
"Nah, not lost at all. She just came out to help Eddie carry the lemonade. He's bound to be exhausted after spending half the morning rolling kegs in the cellar." Jasper quickly winked in my direction, and I smiled back, grateful not to have to explain my walk down to the lake. Everyone in the kitchen laughed at Edward's expense, but instead of outing me to the others, Edward merely leaned back against the counter and let a lazy grin play across his lips, keeping his eyes on mine.
I couldn't bring myself to look away, and after this morning's realizations, I held my ground and tried. Grinning back at Edward, I walked over to the fridge, bumping shoulders playfully with him as I retrieved his lemonade from the counter top. Storing both bottles on the top shelf, I turned back to find Charlie watching me with a look I didn't recognize on his face. Deciding not to press the issue, I reached into one of the drawers and pulled out an apron, tying it securely around my waist.
"So are we making jam, or what?" I asked, resting my hands on my hips. As soon as I had seen the spread of fruit and the array of copper and stainless steel pans earlier, I had known what the day had in store.
"Think you can keep up, sweetheart?" Charlie asked in a playful tone. "These girls have been making jam for the town fair for the last three years."
I smiled wistfully. Charlie knew very little of my life in Phoenix, and I had no one to blame but myself. None of them knew how I had tried to fill my days, waiting at home for Jacob. Interior design, gardening, the Food Network, and of course, making my own preserves.
"I'm pretty sure I'll be able to hold my own," I remarked, squaring myself up to the center island in front of some strawberries. I began cutting them into quarters, and as I did, Alice ushered the guys into the den ready for the big game.
Rose, Alice and I stood for over an hour, chopping, peeling and slicing fruit, mixing and throwing selections into pans ready for them to simmer on the range. We made small talk about Alice's store and we talked about Rose's class—the good kids, the exceptional kids and her difficulties with the twins. We never discussed Jacob, or my pending divorce, my move back to Masen, or how I was coping with all the changes I had made. We were just three girls from a small town in Texas, making jam and talking the day away.
"My pie is almost done," Ally said as she finished rolling out her piecrust. I watched as she blended lemon and cinnamon with sugar and flour, before coating her apple slices and a scattering of raisins, with the mix. She carefully spooned the apples into the deep dish set in front of her, before sealing it with the second piecrust she had rolled.
"This recipe goes no further, Bella." Alice looked at me with a grave expression on her face.
"It's hardly top secret, Ally," Rose laughed.
"That's beside the point. It drives the guys crazy that they can't guess what's in it." She giggled at her own admittance.
"What can't we guess, sis?" Emmett grilled as he strolled into the kitchen, empty beer bottles in hand.
"Nothing," Alice sang back.
"Did I miss the pie again?" Emmett whined. "You always get that baby closed over before I make it into the kitchen," he finished with a pout.
"I'm still making the cobbler, baby," Rose said, showing him the filling for her peach cobbler.
"Great, I'll send Edward in," he grumbled. "You know he loves your peaches." Suddenly realizing what he had said, and how it sounded, Emmett immediately blushed and tried to back pedal. "Your cobbler! Shit, Rosie, that didn't sound right," he mumbled. We all laughed as Emmett stuttered and cursed under his breath, finding simple humor in his innocent comment.
"Of course, they're actually Charlie's peaches…" Alice trailed off suggestively.
"Ew, Ally, gross," I laughed.
She raised her hands in defense. "I'm just sayin'." She ducked as I threw a towel in her direction, only causing more laughter to fill the kitchen.
"That's just wrong." Emmett defended his friend while he retrieved three more beers from the fridge.
"Emmett," Charlie hollered from the den. "Grab the chips, son. Game's about to start."
"Sure thing, Chief," he hollered back. Leaving him to it, Alice put her pie in the oven and Rose finished making her cobbler, placing it in the oven next to the pie, while I added the last of the sliced kiwis to a pan of strawberries. I sprinkled some crystallized ginger over the fruit and covered it with water, ready to simmer. With all of the fruit ready and sugared, it was time to start making the jam.
The guys could be heard yelling from the den, and they would periodically slip into the kitchen for more beer before ducking back out again. While we were waiting for the fruit to soften, Alice, Rose and I made turkey and cheese sandwiches for lunch, leaving the guys to their game and food while we continued to catch up in the kitchen and eat our own lunch.
Rose and Emmett were settling just fine into married life, though having been together since high school, Rose found that not a great deal had changed. The biggest difference had been moving into their own home.
"We waited, of course. The house was ready for our wedding night and Emmett was the perfect gentleman." Rose blushed and dipped her head shyly, and I reached for her hand across the island, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Alice groaned and hid her face with her hands. "You guys are rememberin' that he's my brother, right? I don't need all the intimate details." Her voice was muffled, and I laughed, shaking my head.
"Don't be such a prude, Ally. I think it's sweet that they waited. I'm surprised, though." I hesitated, meeting Rose's eyes for a moment before turning back to Alice. "The fact that Emmett was happy to wait that long is…well…amazing," I said frankly. I remembered all too well how anxious Jacob had been to get me in the back of his Volkswagon. Reminding myself that the past was in the past, I forced a smile. "You should be proud of your brother, Ally."
"Actually, Emmett's quite set in his ways like that. He was the one who wanted to wait," Rose said in a soft voice, clearly recollecting memories too precious to share. "He's a good man."
"He is," I confirmed with a sigh. "Not many of those left."
"I don't know," Alice spoke up. "There's a room full of good men just down the hall." The warmth in her voice seemed to spread through me, gently healing the aching fissure in my chest.
The atmosphere grew thick as we sat and thought about what Alice had said. Her words rang true when I thought about what each of the men had given me since my arrival back in Masen.
Charlie had opened his home and heart back up to me—after I had cut him out of my life—without a second thought for his own feelings. He had tried his hardest to protect me from the hurt and pain Jacob had caused, worrying about me and wishing he could do more. Emmett had given me a job, getting me out of the house and stopping me from falling into a depression so deep that I'd struggle to come back from it.
Jasper had been an unexpected friend—someone who had helped relieve the pressure building below the surface—and had allowed me somewhere neutral and private to purge my despair. Going so far as to offer alternative motives for a divorce I didn't understand, and forcing me to reconsider my own culpability. Finally there was Edward. He was Charlie's rock, the son he'd never had. Edward had given Charlie reassurance when I had none to offer and had come for me when I'd needed to be found.
They may not be perfect, but they were all good men.
It was Alice who broke the silence first, removing the tension and replacing it with a lightheartedness that was undeniably Ally. "Well, married life may be suitin' Emmett some of the time, but I know me livin' with Jasper is drivin' him crazy," she giggled. Rose laughed in response and got up to clear our empty lunch plates. I raised my eyebrow in question, and Alice moved to stir the pans on the range—for what seemed like the dozenth time this afternoon.
"When Em and Rose moved in together, I moved in with Jasper," she said, like it should have been obvious.
"Yeah, but you waited until we were on our honeymoon until you actually said anything to anyone, Ally," Rose teased.
"I don't see what the big deal is." Alice shrugged.
"Emmett is obviously traditional, Ally, and it sounds like as soon as his back was turned, you moved in with his best friend." I laughed. "I'm sure Emmett doesn't want to think about you and Jasper 'playing house' behind closed doors. You're still his baby sister."
"Wouldn't matter if I was married or not, I'd still be his baby sister, and Jasper would still be his best friend," Alice said pointedly with a wicked gleam in her eye. I knew that look all too well. Alice enjoyed making Emmett squirm, almost, I'm sure, as much as she enjoyed living with Jasper.
An hour later, Rose and Alice were ladling fruit jam into hot jars while I wrote out labels. Strawberry and Kiwi; Peach and Blueberry; Plum and Apple; and Raspberry—Charlie's favorite. Once we were done, we worked together to clear up the kitchen. I washed the pans and utensils, Alice dried them while she hummed and sang, and Rose stacked everything for storage. Both the pie and the cobbler were cooling on racks next to the range, and I basked in the late afternoon breeze blowing in through the open windows.
For the first time in weeks, I had genuinely enjoyed myself, and although I was happy with the progress I was making, it saddened me at the same time. I had spent the last two years merely existing. I remembered times with Jacob when I had been happy, or so I had thought. Events we had attended, weekends away, lunches at the country club, decorating the games room. They had all brought a smile to my lips, but at the end of the day, I'd had no one else to share any of it with. Outside of my marriage, I'd been alone.
Voices began to drift toward the kitchen and I knew the game was over. From the sound of laughter and cheers, it was clear that the Rangers had won. Within minutes the kitchen was a bustle of activity, and I smiled to myself. If I allowed it, I could have someone now. I could even have more than one someone. I just had to open myself to the possibility.
~oOo~
I sat on the old back porch swing, watching Jasper, Emmett and Charlie as they stood down by the grill—seasoning steak, marinating pork and preparing lemon trout. Rose carried the pasta and salad we had all made down to the large garden table while Alice went back and forth, retrieving bread and drinks from the kitchen for our dinner. They both fussed, making sure the food was covered, before stretching out on the large wooden loungers that Charlie kept down by the water.
"Do you mind if I sit?"
I shifted abruptly, causing the swing to twist and buck slightly. Edward reached out and wrapped his long fingers around the thick chains, stopping the swaying motion and stilling the movements. I lifted my legs, tucking them beneath me and smiled my thanks up at him.
"Of course not." I motioned with my hand for Edward to take a seat, and he gently released his grip on the swing before lowering himself slowly into one of the large wooden chairs next to me. In the last of the sun, Edward's eyes glimmered an earthy green, dusted with golden hues of barley. They were deep and rich, warm and open, and he held my gaze while I struggled to find something to say.
I watched expectantly as Edward swept his hands back and forth over the wide lacquered arms of the chair, his lips pursed in quiet contemplation, but he said nothing. I knew it would be less than an hour before the guys had the rest of our dinner ready, and I resigned myself to the fact that I could probably sit in silence with Edward for that length of time.
For what seemed like only a few minutes we sat quietly, absorbing the stillness of the evening, marred only by the occasional laugh or raised voice from the other end of the yard. The subtle shift in the night sky was the only indication that it had been more like half an hour. An inky blue blanket lay overhead, twinkling with stars. A slither of silver and purple nestled against the horizon—the only remaining hint of the setting sun.
I chanced a quick peek in Edward's direction and saw that his eyes were fixed on the fruit trees across the yard from the grill. Hundreds of tiny fireflies danced and moved through the branches and the long grass, oblivious to anyone watching them.
"They look pretty, huh?" Edward's voice startled me, and as I turned from the light show, I saw that Edward was looking right at me.
"Sure." I shrugged my shoulders. I had always loved fireflies, remembering how Charlie used to catch them in an old jar for me, so that I could still see them in my room at night. But the magic of my childhood had seemed to dwindle more rapidly over the last few months.
"It's okay to appreciate the little things, Bella. Taking baby steps is how you'll get through it," he said gently.
"He's left me with nothing. He's taken everything." I finally felt defeated. "I don't know how to take 'baby steps', Edward. What if I fall?"
"If you fall, we'll catch you—but you have to let us." Edward moved forward, perching on the edge of his chair and resting his elbows on his knees. "You're not left with nothing, Bella. You still have your dad, and you still have your friends."
"It's not the same," I reasoned, but noticed the hurt and rejection on Edward's face. "I didn't mean it like that," I said softly, feeling a little guilty at my prior dismissive tone. "I rebuilt my life for him. We moved away, we started over. Everything got put on hold, for the sake of his business—everything." I dropped my feet back down onto the scuffed wood of the porch and began to push myself gently.
"Everything?"
"When we were in college, Jacob spoke about having a family and I was excited, I wanted that. If I could be a mom, as well as Jacob's wife, staying at home and adjusting my dreams didn't seem like a trade off. I would raise our family and be supportive to my husband—my career could come later. Once we were married, Jacob promised that if I gave him one year to secure his investors, we would try and get pregnant." I took a shaky breath, remembering the many arguments Jacob and I'd had over the subject. I felt hot tears trail down my cheeks and quickly wiped them away. I didn't want to cry for him anymore.
"Needless to say, one year turned into two, and before I knew what was happening, he was asking for a divorce. We never even tried." That was the problem, we hadn't tried—to get pregnant, to talk about our marriage—and not knowing what I had done to provoke Jacob's request was the most painful part.
Edward stood up and hesitated for a moment, and I began to wonder if I had scared him off with my breakdown. I watched him step carefully around the low porch table and was surprised when he sat down next to me on the swing, draping his arm across the back of the seat. If Edward had reached out, his fingertips would have grazed my bare shoulder, but he kept his distance, respecting my personal space.
"It's not too late to rebuild it all again, to take back your life. You can find happiness with someone else, Baby Bell. You can still have your hopes and dreams," Edward soothed.
I turned once again to watch the fireflies. The sky had darkened a little further, and the yellow dots moved languidly, lighting that area of the yard.
"I don't know if I can. I don't know if I have any hope left, Edward."
"You should be able to have what you want, Bella—your family and your career. No one should ever stand in the way of that." It all sounded so simple when Edward said it. But I was weary; I couldn't trust myself not to make the same mistakes again.
"Dreams are like fireflies, Edward." I turned to look at him and was caught off guard to find he was already facing me. "You keep the brightest ones safe—locked away in a jar to chase away the darkest shadows. But eventually they die, and all you're left with is an empty jar." My voice sounded flat and hollow, and my heart stuttered in my chest while the warmth I had absorbed earlier began to dissipate.
"Bella," Edward whispered, his voice pained. "What did he do to you?" he uttered to himself, his question rhetorical, as he allowed the back of his hand to gently brush up and down my arm in comfort. His sad eyes focused on mine when he finally spoke again. "It's always darkest before dawn, Baby Bell."
No sooner had Edward voiced those words, I recalled the afternoon I had rowed out onto the lake. The mist hanging overhead and the reflections moving across the water, but more importantly, I remembered the promise of dawn and new beginnings.
Today had been full of 'baby steps'. It began with my epiphany at the lake and was quickly followed by the realization that I was with friends and family who cared about me. Despite everything, I had enjoyed myself today, and this familiar group had been the key to that.
I wiped at my eyes, for what I hoped would be the last time this evening, and took a steadying breath. "Thank you, Edward."
"Just catching you, Bella." He smiled and squeezed my hand once before helping me to my feet. Charlie waved as the others milled around the table, plating their food and pouring drinks. "Come on, the day's not over yet." Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me off the porch. As we made our way down to the edge of the lake, I felt the hole in my chest warming, seeking the solace that could be found in these new friendships.
A/N: Teasers as usual on PicTease and The Fictionators this coming week. You can now subscribe to the blog; you'll find outfits, playlists and possibly extra teasers throughout the week here—because I'm impatient like that. Thanks for reading.
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