Chapter Music: Cry Me A River by Michael Bublé
A/N: Hugh thanks to annanabanana for staying up so late with her red pen, fixing my embarrassing mistakes. Thanks also to miztrezboo who was so supportive and held my hand as I wrote this chapter.
LINK TO CHAPTER UNDER THE COMMENTS BAR
:: Bella ::
As I lay staring at the ceiling, the phone rang again for the ninth time this morning.
"I mean it! Stop callin' my house!" Charlie's voice filtered up from the kitchen. I cringed, knowing that he was dealing with Jacob.
Hungry, I swung my stiff legs over the edge of my bed, pausing for a moment and hoping that Edward hadn't stayed like he said he would. I wasn't ready to face anyone yet. Things had gone too far yesterday. I sat and thought back over my life, realizing I'd gone from police chief's daughter, to housewife, to divorcée with arsonistic tendencies.
The things I'd done as a kid were enough to turn Charlie's hair grey, but none of them had been criminal.
Shame flooded my body as I walked over to my daybed and settled onto the old and tired mattress. My grandmother's blanket hung over one end and I traced the stitching with my fingers as I sat and thought about what I had done.
Falling against the back of the metal frame, I pulled the blanket over my knees and up to my shoulders. Burying my face in the fabric, I broke down again. More muffled sobs made my chest ache, and the salty tears in my throat made it hard to breathe. I didn't hear the door open, or the light footsteps across the floor. It wasn't until the mattress dipped at my back and two slender, but strong, arms wrapped around me that I knew I wasn't alone.
"Shhh, I'm here, Bella. It'll all be okay," Alice soothed as she pressed her cheek between my shoulder blades, squeezing me tightly against her chest. She rocked us both while I gasped for air, the breeze blowing the voile at the windows as the birds sang, oblivious to my heartache, on the balcony. Alice hummed songs from our childhood as she ran her hand over my hair, never stopping the steady pendulum motion our bodies made.
Finally, when it felt like my throat would take no more, my cries became sniffles and my tears dried on my cheeks. Alice had always known when to come. The day my mom died she'd found me in the exact same place, and Charlie had found us both wrapped around each other hours later. We were so much smaller then. He'd stayed with us that night—him consoling his girls, me consoling my father, and Alice consoling us both.
She'd never stopped. She was here now, and even in my absence Alice had been here for Charlie.
"I called Jacob. For closure," I added vacantly.
"Oh?"
"He has someone else," I murmured, not sure what I hated more—the sadness in my voice or the fact that he had moved on while I had struggled to get through each day.
"Already?" Alice asked, shocked but never releasing me from her grasp. I nodded, unable to repeat the words. "Oh, Bella," she breathed, placing her hand over my breaking heart. Was I really so replaceable? Was seven years so easy to forget?
"I don't understand, Ally. Was he with her all this time? How long has she been in my house?" I choked out.
"Honey, it's not your house anymore. You're home's here. Don't torture yourself over this. It was never your fault." I felt her body shaking against mine and I pressed back into her. It had always been the same with us. My pain was hers, and hers, mine. We were kindred and it seemed that no amount of time apart would destroy that.
"I feel so empty. I feel like my entire marriage was a lie. And I still have questions."
"Maybe you didn't get the closure you wanted, Bella, but at least it's over now," she hesitated, stilling us both at the same time. "It is over, isn't it?"
I nodded, feeling her sigh against my back, her body still pressed tightly to mine, and she began her gentle swaying once more. She was holding me together, trying to ground me in the moment and trying to ensure that the steps I had taken forward weren't for naught.
"Whenever it started, Jacob's affair's a reflection on him—not on how you were as a wife, and definitely not on you as a person." Alice pulled back then, turning me to face her as best she could. With her hands on either side of my face, her eyes bored into mine. "You're beautiful, Bella. You're kind and givin'. I've never known you to have a selfish bone in your body. I know you did everything you could. None of this is your fault."
Alice smiled gently, her eyes glistening with tears in the midday sun as the rays bounced off my vanity mirror. Shards of light brightened neglected, darkened corners, and my own eyes filled with tears as the shadows were chased away.
I pulled Alice into a fierce embrace, never more thankful to have her in my life. We cried on each other's shoulders—her face pressed into my neck and her hair tickling my nose—and with every tear I shed, I felt like the healing was beginning again. The ebbing salt was cleansing my soul and each breath I took told me that I had done all I could.
Alice was right. This wasn't on me, this was all on Jacob.
It was then that Edward's words stirred within me, awakening my self-belief and removing any lingering doubt. You are enough.
Faint noises drifted up from the kitchen and I heard Charlie muttering curses amid muted thumps and bangs. I laughed, a watery sound, almost strangled from what felt like days of grieving.
"What's he doing down there?" I asked, pulling away from Alice and wiping my nose with the back of my hand.
"Makin' your favorite." She smiled again, her cheeks as tear stained as mine. "Come on, let's wash up and get you dressed. After we've eaten we're goin' out."
Twenty minutes later, I was fresh out of the shower, my damp hair hanging loose down my back. Alice had scrubbed her face clean, and we were both pink cheeked and brighter eyed. She reached into my closet and passed me out a pair of jeans so old and comfortable that they were worn through in places.
As I finished dressing in a casual shirt and loose vest, Alice squeezed my hand. "You're perfect."
The smell of Charlie's cooking hit me as soon as Alice and I reached the foot of the stairs. It was the scent of my childhood and of family breakfasts on early summer mornings.
"Hey, sweetheart." Charlie wrapped his arms around my shoulders and crushed me to him. "I won't let him hurt you again, Bella," he said sincerely, his words a murmur against my hair.
I was relieved that Charlie knew about Jacob's betrayal. Edward had saved me that much. I wondered if the others knew, if the news of Jacob's infidelity had already spread through town. Could I face going back to work? Jacob's father and family still lived in Masen; there would never be any getting away from him.
I clutched at Charlie's back, balling my fists into his shirt, calming myself further with the scent of home and the vanilla essence that was enveloping the kitchen. There was nothing I could say. Charlie had never let me down.
After a moment, he spoke again. "I made your favorite."
Standing back, I surveyed the countertops. The griddle was still sitting on top of the range, broken egg shells sat discarded on a small plate, the jug of two percent was still sitting out, along with the butter, and the dish Charlie used to soak the bread also sat in the center of the disarray.
Alice was busy carrying sliced bananas and fresh raspberries to the table, along with, what I was sure would be, two small jugs of warmed honey and toffee sauce.
I leaned up and kissed Charlie's cheek before walking over to the table and pulling out a chair.
"Thanks, daddy," I said as both he and Alice took their seats. I ducked my head and spooned some fruit onto my plate, hoping to avoid more tears at the table, before adding, "You make the best French toast."
~oOo~
"Thanks, Chief," Alice called through the window as she closed the door to Charlie's truck.
"Anytime, Ally. You know that."
"You ready?" Alice asked, turning to me and linking her arm through mine. I took a deep breath. It was the middle of the week; the bar would be quiet. It was as good a place as any to see if the gossip mill was already turning.
"As I'll ever be." With a tight smile on my face we walked into Whitlock's.
As I took in the dimly lit bar, I could feel tears begin to prickle at the back of my eyes. Jasper and Lottie were behind the bar flicking towels at each other, Edward's head was thrown back in laughter and Emmett was helping Rose off her stool.
"You didn't think you'd have to do this alone, did you?" Alice whispered, hip checking me gently and wrapping her arm around my waist. I shook my head and blinked hard, determined not to start crying again.
"Baby Bell!" Jasper shouted. "You made it." His smile was infectious and I couldn't help but grin back. "First one's on me," he said, and as he pulled a bottle of Jack from behind the bar, I groaned playfully.
"We're headin' out, guys," Emmett said, ushering Rose toward the door.
"It's good to see you again, Bella," Rose murmured as she passed, brushing the back of her hand down my forearm.
"You, too," I replied, a little startled by the contact.
"See you at work tomorrow, Baby Bell?" Emmett asked, almost as an afterthought, stopping before disappeared through the doors.
"Sure, Em, bright and early." Maybe getting back into a routine was what I needed.
"Not too early." With a final wink, he left the five of us in the bar.
"Hey, Ally," Lottie greeted, setting down a lemonade with a twist of lime in front of Alice, as we reached the bar. "Bella," she said warmly.
"Hiya, thanks for the drink." Alice lifted her glass toward Lottie, who smiled, before taking a long sip.
"Hi, Lottie," I replied quietly. She smiled kindly and wiped the bar, removing the ring of condensation left behind by Alice's drink.
"Do you need me up here, boss?" Lottie asked, turning to Jasper. "If not, I'm gonna check the inventory and stock the bar."
"You go on ahead, darlin', we're good up here," Jasper said over his shoulder. I watched as she twisted her hair up into a messy knot with a pen, grabbed a notepad, and disappeared down into the cellar.
"Come shoot some pool with me?" Alice asked Edward, tugging gently on his arm and cocking her head. Edward scrunched his nose and threw Jasper a disparaging look.
"Fine, but you're rackin' 'em." He drained the last of his beer and followed Alice to the tables.
"What was that about?" I asked Jasper, not understanding the looks or what had been said.
"Trust me, you don't wanna know." He laughed, walking around the end of the bar and sitting next to me on one of the stools. Knowing Alice, he was probably right. "So…" he trailed off, maybe to give me the chance to offer something first.
"So…" I replied, not sure what to say or where to start.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"Not really." My voice sounded small. It was the same voice I'd used as a child whenever I had to tell Charlie how I'd gotten in trouble.
"It'll help." Jasper took a large mouthful of his own Jack and tea, and I followed suit. I welcomed the burn as it coated my mouth, and the lingering sweetness as my tongue and lips slowly began to numb.
"He has someone else."
"I heard something like that," he muttered dryly.
"I burned his car."
"I heard that, too." From the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper nod his head and a smirk pull at the corner of his mouth. "How'd that make you feel?"
"At the time? Better, I guess." We both took another mouthful. "But then there was nothing."
"It's the adrenaline. You peaked. You fell." His tone was matter of fact. "I see it in here sometimes, guys letting their emotions mix with the alcohol. They always take it outside, they know better than to fight in here, but still, it's not pretty," Jasper finished with a knowing smirk and a shake of his head.
"I can imagine."
"But Edward was there, right?" he asked, turning his head to look at me.
"He was, and he took care of me," I said, running my finger around the rim of my glass. "He's a good friend." Jasper laughed through his nose before swallowing the last of his drink.
"That he is." Jasper reached over the bar for the bottle of Jack and poured himself a large measure, this time foregoing the sweet tea. When he offered to top me off, I shook my head. Getting drunk wasn't going to make me feel any better.
"So what now?" he questioned, his tone probing but not demanding.
I sipped the dregs from my glass, tasting more of the melted ice than the sweetened whiskey.
"That weekend you saw me down at the lake, I just realized that I could breathe here. I may never find out why Jacob asked for a divorce, or when he started cheating, but I need to try and accept it so that I can move on too. I can't waste my life on him anymore." I swirled the last of the ice in my glass, watching as tiny chips fragmented and began to slowly melt. "I have people here who love me and enjoy spending time with me. I intend to take full advantage of that. Maybe piece by piece, taking baby steps, I can pull my life back together and just be me. You know, not be defined by someone else."
"Sounds like a plan, Baby Bell."
A loud cheer carried over the bar, and we both turned to see Alice dancing circles around Edward. Jasper laughed and got to his feet.
"Oh, she's good." He kissed my temple and smiled down at me. "You know we're all here for you, right?" Closing my eyes, I nodded. It felt good to have people I could rely on. I'd missed that in Phoenix.
"Are you hustlin' that man, angel?" he called over to Alice. He was so sweet with her. She shook her head, laughing hard, as Edward grabbed her around the waist and hooked her over his arm.
"Best of three, and this time, I'm bringin' my A game." Edward smiled directly at me as he challenged Alice.
"I'll be right back."
I bumped into Lottie, briefly, as she made another run up from the cellar—her arms full of bottles. Exchanging quick 'hellos', I continued through the bar toward the hallway near the front. Passing both Jasper's second office and the door marked Cowboys, I walked through the door showing a cute cowgirl scorched into the wood. Taking two minutes to myself, I remembered Edward's laughter as Alice and I walked into the bar, Jasper's easy and welcoming smile, and even Rose's tentative, but comforting touch. There were no awkward moments, just a casual easiness that made being with these people so natural and calming.
Content enough to join the others, I left the little Cowgirls' room and walked straight into a wall of muscle.
"Sorry," I gasped, bracing myself, trying to stop from falling over.
"Bella." I felt the blood drain from my face, and my heart began to thump erratically in my chest. "Dad said he saw you come in here." I pushed away from the hands holding firm on my shoulders, pressing myself into the wall, unwilling to believe what I was seeing.
Fight or flight. Fight or flight.
Why had he come? What did he want? For the shortest moment, I wanted to be wrapped in his arms, for him to tell me this was the lie, that the pain and the deception weren't real. But as he reached to touch the side of my face, I recoiled. He was touching her now.
"Don't touch me," I hissed, trying to slip past him. Goosebumps trailed along my arm as his fingers grazed my skin, finally securing themselves around my wrist and holding me firmly in his grasp.
"We need to talk. You wouldn't answer any of my calls. I drove all night. I even tried calling from the motel, Bella. Please?"
Please? Was he serious? Now he wanted to talk. He'd had months to speak to me—before I'd left Phoenix, since I'd been in Masen—and there'd been nothing. He was lucky I wasn't scratching his eyes out. My stomach began to twist and flutter happily at the prospect of seeing his reaction when he found out what had happened to his precious Audi.
"Is everything alright back here, Bella?" Lottie stood at the end of the hallway, holding the small fruit knife that Jasper kept on the bar for cutting the citrus.
"Jacob was just leaving," I said through gritted teeth, yanking my arm free and walking quickly toward Lottie.
"No. I. Wasn't," he ground back, taking a menacing step forward. Although I'd seen it rarely, and never directed at me, I knew Jacob had a temper. Lottie put her own body between us but I'd seen enough. My fight was done and in its place flight had me running out of the bar, heading for the road and the safety of the trees lining the back of Doc Garrett's boundary line. I slowed as I hit Smith Street, counting each of my steps as my shoes resounded lightly off the dirt track.
As I reached forty-seven, I heard the steady hum of an engine behind me.
"Would you just get in!"
"Leave me alone, Jacob. I have nothing I want to say to you." Lies. All of it lies. I had wanted closure, a chance to find out why, but my head wouldn't process the questions. I hadn't had time to prepare. The one small mercy I could be thankful for was that the anger had returned. It wasn't as consuming as yesterday, but at least I wasn't crying in front of him.
"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me, and it's a long walk back to Charlie's, Bella." He sidled up next to me, his arm hanging casually out of the window and his head pressed into the back of the seat, as he watched the road. I crossed my arms firmly over my chest, trying to steady my quickening breaths. Jacob was right about one thing: it'd take me at least two hours to walk home. Could I stomach fifteen minutes in a car with him for a ride home and some answers?
No. I had more self-respect than that.
Just as I had resolved to walk, a familiar red truck pulled up in front of Jacob, effectively cutting him off on the quiet back road. Edward sat behind the wheel, and even in the small reflection of the side mirror, I could see his jaw was tight and his eyes were hard. He was angry, and he was looking right at Jacob.
The passenger door swung open and Jasper stepped out, not bothering to close it behind him. His eyes were fixed on mine as he walked with a determined step over to me. His hands took a brief inventory as they skimmed the sides of my face and then my arms, finally and carefully, lifting the wrist Jacob had grabbed in the bar.
"You okay?" I nodded as Jasper dipped his head, his blue eyes searching my face. "Go get in the truck." I did as he said, and as I cast a look over my shoulder, I saw him lean into Jacob's window, his face no longer full of the concern it held as he had spoken to me.
As I settled next to Edward, I could hear his breathing was almost labored—as if he were struggling under a heavy weight on his chest.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"
"Don't Bella. Just don't. If you apologize, I'll…"
"You'll what, Edward?" I asked, cautiously touching the side of his leg.
"I'll get out of this truck, and so help me—"
The bench seat dipped again as Jasper got in, slamming the door closed behind him.
"Let's get Bella home."
As Edward drove back to Charlie's we sat in silence. My only comfort was the knowledge that these men—my friends, my protectors—weren't angry with me. They hadn't let me fall. I'd run, but they'd caught me nonetheless.
~oOo~
Maggie had made slipping back into working at the diner easy. She took the orders, talking to customers, while I stayed behind the register—keeping a tangible fortress between me and the townsfolk. As I'd walked in this morning, Emmett had tried to do two things. The first was to send me home. The second was to offer to 'run Jacob outta town.' Sweet as his gestures were, I declined both.
On the occasions I felt up to it, I would venture out and bus a table or two with Riley, but for the most part, Emmett was happy to leave me sitting behind the counter, refilling napkin dispensers and issuing checks.
That was until Jessie Call came in with her kids in tow. "Hey Bella, I heard you were back in town." She dropped her enormous purse onto the counter and I cringed a little at the sound it made. "I'm sorry things didn't, you know," she whispered conspiratorially, "work out."
"Yeah, thanks, Jess," I answered, hoping she missed the expression on my face as I rolled my eyes. I needn't have worried. Her son was tugging at her dress and whining while her daughter was picking at the quarters glued to the counter.
"Momma, why would someone stick these down," she huffed, trying to pry her little fingers under the edge of one of the coins.
"Benji, stop pullin' on momma, please." She swiped at the boy's hand and turned her attention to the girl. "I don't know, baby. Only stupid people throw away money." I raised an eyebrow at her statement, feeling slightly insulted.
"What can I get you, Jess," I deadpanned. She whimpered as Benji continued to pull at her dress and the girl started to spill sugar over the counter top.
"Timeout guys. Momma needs two mommy-minutes." I almost felt sorry for her. Jessie was older than Emmett, but I didn't know by how many years exactly, and she looked like she couldn't keep it together.
"Just two banana splits, Bella—with cherries and chocolate sauce." I held back a snort. These kids didn't need anymore sugar.
"Take a seat, I'll have them sent over."
The three of them moved toward a booth, and I heard the bell chime over the door as I began to scoop vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry ice-cream into banana boats.
"Hey, Bella. You okay?" Emmett appeared and hovered at my side.
"Sure. Just making sundaes." I smiled at him. His own smile faltered as a shadow fell over the counter and a throat cleared from the other side of it.
"I don't want any trouble in here, Billy. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave," Emmett said as he leaned over the counter, keeping himself between me and my ex-father-in-law. With shaking hands I pushed the finished deserts into Maggie's waiting hands while I kept my eyes fixed on her back as she took them over to Jessie and her kids, watching Billy out of the corner of my eye.
"I'm not here to cause any trouble; I came here to warn Bella." Billy held up his hands in a peaceful gesture. I picked up one of the discarded trays, eager to have something in my hands and something else between me and any prying eyes.
"If this is about Jacob, she already knows he's here."
"I wish it was just about Jake, but there's more," he said, as he shook his head. I stepped forward, ready to tell him that I wasn't interested in anything he had to say. That if it involved Jacob, I didn't care any longer. But before I could open my mouth, the bell over the door chimed again, and an eerie silence fell over the diner.
"This ain't gonna be good," Billy murmured, sinking down onto one of the stools, and I turned my head to follow his line of vision.
I had met her only once before. Jacob had invited her home for dinner, explaining that her father was an important investor and that it was vital that we get his daughter on board. She had been perfectly styled and coiffed, from the tips of her designer shoes, to the couture outfit that had hugged her hips and ample breasts. Her bright blue eyes, full red lips, and manicured nails were an obvious indication of how eager she had been to be accepted.
But as she stood before me in McCarty's, I assessed her again. Everything about her seemed different. Her eyes were taunting and condescending, and her lips were pulled into an evil sneer. Her clothing was bright and out of place in Masen, but no doubt, still expensive, while an oversized purse hung in front of her body, looped though her slender arm. Her eyes roamed through the diner, searching for something or someone, and it was when her glacial stare finally found my face that her sneer widened into a devious grin.
"Isabella, so nice to see you again." As soon as she spoke, I felt my heart rate increase, and the empty tray I'd been clutching fell to the ground. I recognized that voice with such clarity now; I had been a fool not to place it sooner. When I'd heard it yesterday, as I'd called him, I was too distracted to really listen to who it could have been. I took a step backward, right into Emmett, and she stepped forward. It was obvious that she had come with Jacob, the question was, what was she doing coming to see me?
"Tanya," I muttered, offering what I hoped was a curt nod.
"Is that all you have to say to me?" she continued.
"I don't think now's the time," Billy interjected.
"Oh, do hush. I think now is the perfect time. Jacob's made me wait long enough." Tanya waved Billy off.
"What do you want?" I asked timidly, only comforted minutely by Emmett's hands resting on my shoulders.
"I don't want anything. I have what I want now. I just resent being made to wait so long to get it." Her heeled sandals clicked across the floor as she maneuvered through the tables before coming to a standstill just shy of Billy's seat at the counter. Biting the bullet, I swallowed hard and almost whispered the question I dreaded most.
"How long have you been sleeping with Jacob?" I didn't understand why I was suddenly able to string the words together. Why here, in the middle of the diner, and to a woman I didn't know, when I couldn't ask Jacob the same question only yesterday?
"Seven months, give or take." She shrugged nonchalantly, not even taking a pause to consider her answer.
"Seven months!" I whispered back, horrified. It was so much worse than I'd imagined.
"Come now, don't sound so surprised. You're a girl from a small town, what could you possibly know about satisfying and keeping a man?"
"Hey now! That's enough!" Emmett's voice sounded loud over my shoulder. "I don't know who you think you are, lady, but Jacob Black's a guy from a small town, too."
"That may be so, but he's a man with big city dreams." Her eyes fixated on mine again as the hits just kept on coming. "And you were just holding him back. Now with you gone, Jacob can finally have what he's always wanted." It was at that exact moment that Tanya Randell moved her arm, shifting her purse, and revealing the real reason she had come to town.
She smoothed her manicured hand over her swollen belly, and as I watched the movement, my vision began to swim and bile rose in my throat. What had Jacob done? How could he have done this to me? For two years he had promised me a family, putting it off for the sake of his business, and now his mistress—his whore—had waltzed into my sanctuary, flaunting his unborn child in my face.
My chest crumbled, the fissure nothing less than a gaping canyon. My heart sank into my stomach, slowly dissolving in the bile that remained there. A baby. He'd taken everything.
"Tanya, that's enough. Jacob should've—" Billy tried to stop her.
"If I had waited for Jacob, she'd still be in Phoenix," she hissed at him. A moment later her narrowed eyes and pursed lips were focused on me again. "He chose me and his baby over you. You're nothing to him! Do you understand?" Her voice rose as she pointed her finger at me.
"You need to get the hell outta my diner. Right now." Emmett gave my shoulders a squeeze before stepping out from behind the counter and moving to guide Tanya to the door. "Don't make me force you out."
As she shuffled backward, her tirade continued. "He came back for her! He came back because she's broken and wounded! Just grow up and move on, Isabella! He made his choice. He chose ME!"
"ENOUGH!" Billy's voice loomed across the diner. "Tanya, get out." He stood from his stool and fixed his hat on his head. I could only watch in silence as he marched over and gripped her arm, pulling her forcefully from the diner, the door slamming shut behind them, causing the bell to tinkle with the vibrations.
"Sorry about that, folks," Emmett announced from where he stood, ducking his head and flashing a sincere smile at his regulars.
Suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe. Dropping to a crouch, I doubled over as if I'd been punched in the gut, trying to gulp down air as if my life depended on it.
I'd kept my promises—stayed faithful, and supported him—postponed my plans in favor of his, and all the while he was getting his dick wet with someone else. Now she was having his baby to boot. It should have been mine. I had waited so long.
"Bella?" Emmett's voice sounded from above me. "Bella, what can I do? Do you need anything?" he offered.
"Home," I gasped as tears began to flow down my cheeks. "I need to go home."
"Of course." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. "Whatever you need."
The drive back to Charlie's was difficult for us both. Emmett trying to concentrate on getting us there, and me trying to breathe, trying to process what had just happened. The sun, through the windows of Emmett's mustang, was stifling, and I clawed at the handle on my door to roll down the window. Turning in my seat, I let both arms dangle limply from the opening, holding my head out to feel the breeze on my face.
The air dried my tears and stung my eyes but it couldn't erase the image of Jacob's child growing inside another woman.
"It'll be okay, Baby Bell," Emmett soothed, and my body tensed momentarily as his hand began to rub my back.
"How will it be okay?" I wailed, allowing my head to fall against the door. The more I thought about it, the more I could rationalize that maybe I had pushed Jacob toward Tanya. It was possible that our divorce wasn't directly my fault, but I could still be the reason he had found solace in the arms of another woman.
"Didn't you see her? How could I compete with that? I didn't even know. I'm so stupid," I continued, allowing my emotions to spiral out of control as Emmett listened helplessly.
"I did see her; she has nothing on you," Emmett said softly. "And you're not stupid, Bella."
I laughed bitterly through a broken sob. "No? He must have come home smelling of her, covered in her perfume and—" I broke off, suddenly feeling sick. What if he had been with her and then with me? I couldn't bear it. The image twisted in my gut, churning my stomach and forcing me to gag.
"Pull over," I said urgently, covering my mouth with my hand. Emmett swerved off the road, his tires sending a ribbon of dust toward the sky. Opening the door, I slid awkwardly from my seat falling to my knees and digging my fingernails into the dry dirt bed. I purged my stomach onto the ground in front of me, squeezing my eyes shut and gasping for breath.
Unbidden, images of Tanya being taken by Jacob flashed through my mind, made all the worse by the fact that her piercing blue eyes never left mine.
I felt Emmett's large hands at my neck, gathering my hair away from my face and whispering calming words in my ear as he crouched beside me.
"Don't let this defeat you, Bella. You're stronger than this," he murmured, but he was wrong. I didn't even have the strength to answer him.
After a moment, my breathing evened out and I was able to draw a cleansing breath into my lungs. The scent of sunflowers blew across the field we had stopped next to and I greedily took in another breath.
"Better?" Emmett asked, smoothing his hand through my hair.
"Not really," I whimpered as I peered up at him.
"Come on," he said, helping me to my feet. "I called Charlie. Edward's at the house too. They're both waitin' for us."
What seemed like only a few minutes later, I was cocooned in Charlie's arms, telling him about Tanya and the baby as he rocked me back and forth from one foot to the other in the middle of the yard. I could hear Edward and Emmett talking in the distance, before the rumble of Emmett's engine muffled my crying.
"What's this about a baby?" Edward asked quietly, sounding confused. Although I didn't think it possible, when I felt his fingers brush my lower back, my body relaxed further—a small coil of warmth spreading from his touch.
"Jacob didn't come alone." Charlie's voice was low and slightly distorted with my ear pressed against his chest, but it was as tense as the arms surrounding me.
"What?" Anger and disbelief colored Edward's tone, but before anyone could answer him, the sound of an engine filtered back down the driveway. I pushed away from Charlie's chest, desperate to be released and to thank Emmett for bringing me home.
"What in the blue hell?" Charlie seethed, and Edward grabbed his arms, pulling him back before he could take off across the yard. Strangely enough, it was all the encouragement I needed. The Bella that drove home with Emmett made way for the scorned ex-wife, who stood tall and fierce.
Don't let this defeat you, Bella. You're stronger than this.
Emmett's words rang true as my eyes settled on Jacob's through his windshield, and I watched as he had the audacity to smile. Squaring my shoulders, my body surged forward, placing one sure foot in front of the other.
"Bella, I'm glad you're here. We need to talk," Jacob said as he climbed out of his rental. He held his arms open as if to embrace me on my approach. I scoffed under my breath—if he thought I was going to let him touch me, he was sorely mistaken.
As soon as I was close enough, I lunged for him, slapping him hard across his jaw and sending him reeling. My palm stung and my fingers twitched as I shook out my hand.
"What the hell, Bella?" Jacob said, startled.
"How dare you come back here. What are you trying to do to me?" I asked, my voice rising.
"I'm not happy, Bella. I need you at home, I know that now."
"Don't you dare! You wanted out," I yelled. "Not happy?" I stared at him incredulously. "Seriously? Are you fucking serious?" I saw Charlie grimace out of the corner of my eye.
"Bella, maybe you should—" Edward called from his position next to Charlie. But I didn't want to hear it; I was too angry. Ignoring him I stalked toward Jacob again, stopping a few feet in front of him.
"You can't come back here, like you have a right to me or my life, and start making demands, Jacob," I seethed. "I've seen her. I know why." I stood firm as I confronted him, no longer interested in running away.
"I don't understand, Bella." He shook his head, and a frown drew deep lines across his forehead in confusion.
"I heard you," I hissed, massaging my aching palm with my thumb. "You told me you weren't happy—you made me miserable. And for what? Something on the side? I may have sent the papers, but they were at your request, Jacob. Now that I've really seen the man that I married, I've never been happier to have been awake that night.
"For so long, I wished I hadn't heard you say those words, and for three months I hoped you'd talk to me. I stayed, out of a sense of duty. Of loyalty! What a fucking joke," I said, feeling my face twist into a sneer. My body gave an involuntary shudder, and Jacob reached out for me. I took an unsteady step back and glowered at him in disgust. He had touched me more than enough.
"Bella, I don't know what—"
"Don't treat me like an idiot!" I bellowed, and I was vaguely aware of Charlie trying to break free of Edward's hold. "She's here! You brought her here to my home! She came looking for me, and for no other reason than to rub your 'happy' news in my face," I finished, with a trace of sarcasm. The words tasted like poison in my mouth as the image of Tanya, swollen and radiant, seeped to the forefront of my mind.
Jealousy laced with anger twisted through my veins and almost crippled me where I was standing. She had my husband, my house, the baby I'd longed for, and my picture perfect life. What had she offered Jacob that I hadn't been able to give him in seven years?
"Shit," he muttered. "It's not like that, Bella. I came to Masen because it's all wrong. If I could take everything back, I would. I need you in my life," he said desperately.
"You should have thought about that before you started fucking her." My voice was even and cold as I stared at him accusingly, clenching my fists in an effort to stop them from shaking.
"I told you it was complicated…" he trailed off. "I never said I didn't love you, that I don't still love you." His eyes held mine, and I felt sick again.
"Shut up," I seethed. "Love me? This is how you treat someone you love? She's having your baby, Jacob. She's having your baby when you didn't want mine." I couldn't stop the tears of anger that started to spill down my cheeks.
"Bella, baby," Jacob took a step forward, reaching for me as he did. "Please don't cry. It kills me to see you upset."
""No!" I shouted, my voice feeling hoarse as I pointed my finger in his face. "You did this. This is on you."
"Just let me explain," he begged.
"Why? Why her? I could have given you everything. Hell, I did give you everything!" I accused. Jacob's eyes shifted, the blood rising under his skin, and I could see his pleading was finally giving way to his own anger and frustration.
"You don't understand!" Jacob yelled back. "She would've ruined us. I'd have lost everything." I laughed, not sure if he realized how crazy what he was saying actually sounded.
"We are ruined, Jacob. You have lost everything. What've you got left?" I asked him, finally understanding that as I stood, falling to pieces in my father's yard, I still had everything.
"My business is still standing, at least I have that," Jacob fired back.
"Your business?" He was making no sense.
"I had no choice," he defended, and with those words my restraint snapped.
"No choice? No fucking choice?" I screamed, stepping forward and raising my arms, pounding my fists hard on his chest. He allowed my outburst for a few moments before grabbing my wrists and yanking me toward his body.
"I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!" Charlie yelled. "Get your hands off of my daughter!"
"Enough!" Edward said sternly, at the same time that Charlie spoke. "Let her go." Edward released Charlie then, and both men stepped forward menacingly.
"Fuck off, Masen. You don't own Bella anymore than you own this town," Jacob tormented, releasing my arms. I wasn't surprised to see a fist fly past my face, sending Jacob sprawling onto his back with a split lip. It was no less than he deserved. I turned around as Edward's voice carried urgently between us.
"Charlie, leave him—he's down, shake it off."
"Daddy, your hand!" My eyes widened in shock to see Charlie's split knuckles and his enraged face. I'd never seen my father so angry.
"That's it, Bella. Run back to your daddy. Takin' you out of this town was a mistake anyway." I watched Jacob wipe at the blood on his mouth, staring up at the three of as with disdain on his face.
"You don't mean that," I whispered sadly before I could stop myself.
"Doors have opened for me now. You only ever held me back." He got to his feet, dusting off his pants, and I stumbled back into Charlie, desperate to put some distance between me and Jacob's hateful words.
"I loved you." The words left my throat in an anguished croak, and I clutched onto Charlie's hands, my nails biting into his burst skin.
"That's enough. You'd better leave," Edward said, putting himself between Jacob and me. His arm curled backward, as if shielding us both from Jacob, but it made no difference, the damage was done. "Take her inside, Charlie."
No one moved.
"Charlie?" Edward turned his face. Charlie lifted me into his arms awkwardly, and I was glad of the support. I wasn't sure I'd have made it to the house by myself.
"Get off my property, boy. Don't make me come back out here."
Charlie carried me to my room—the light and warm space betraying my emotions as I reflected on the events of the day.
It had all been too much.
Tanya. Jacob. The baby. Being confronted by it all.
As I slipped into the welcoming darkness of sleep, I heard the sound of tires tearing at the driveway and the muted sound of the front door closing. It was over. It had to be. I had nothing left to give, and no more to take.
A/N: Thank you for reading.
Music Mojo: Life Left to Go by SafetySuit
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